


Examination (Lessons Learned)

by inksheddings



Series: Tutorial and Examination [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-28
Updated: 2005-10-28
Packaged: 2018-01-16 15:47:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1353010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inksheddings/pseuds/inksheddings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you ready?”</p><p>Remus wasn’t. He wouldn’t be, but he’d go through with it nonetheless.</p><p>He had nothing to prove to himself, but apparently he did have</p><p>something to prove to Sirius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Examination (Lessons Learned)

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilery notes at the bottom of this story because I fail at tagging.

**Examination (Lessons Learned)**  
  
“Are you ready?”  
  
Remus wasn’t. He wouldn’t be, but he’d go through with it nonetheless. He had nothing to prove to himself, but apparently he did have something to prove to Sirius.  
  
“Yes,” he replied, with a quick nod of his head. Best to get it over with. Then maybe they could finally get past the mess that began when Lily had shown up on their doorstep with a shopping bag and an unusual request. Had they known then ... had they thought out how it would affect their relationship ... but no point in dwelling on it. It was done and here they were, about to make it better or worse.  
  
When Lily had left their flat six months ago, they’d been confused and tired and a little shell-shocked, but their initial worries had been how their actions would affect their rapport with Lily. And James, though of course he would never know what had transpired between the three of them.  
  
It _had_ been awkward at first, Lily blushing when they’d come over for dinner, not quite able to meet their eyes. Sirius couldn’t bring himself to swing an arm over James’ shoulders in greeting, as was his usual habit, and Remus overcompensated by trying to take up the slack in their conversations. James would surely have figured out that something was wrong, if not for the fact that within a month of the _encounter_ (as Remus had begun to refer to it in his head) Lily had announced that she was pregnant. Then all uncomfortable moments dissolved into congratulatory hugs and well-wishes. James and Lily were suitably distracted, and Remus and Sirius -- having no worries that either of them had unintentionally fathered Lily’s child -- hoped that would be the end of it.  
  
It wasn’t.  
  
It was a beginning of sorts -- of sidelong glances Remus would catch out of the corner of his eye; of stilted conversations, whenever the topic veered toward James, Lily, or James and Lily; and most disturbing of all, the beginning of silent sex.  
  
Their sex life had been noisy, not only full of grunts and groans and loud intakes of breath -- but of words, phrases, and paragraphs of lust and debauchery, love and devotion. Now it was quiet, as though they were both afraid of what might get said if they dared allow their passions free reign.  
  
In other words, they were caught in a vicious circle -- emotional disturbance leading to sexual dissatisfaction leading back to emotional hell. It was only getting worse as time went on. They had to do something. Remus just wasn’t sure this was the answer.  
  
“Are you sure it’s safe?” Remus asked as Sirius handed him his dose of the potion. It smelled overpoweringly sweet, like too much of a good thing.  
  
“Of course it’s safe,” Sirius scoffed. “They sell it, don’t they? At the same shop Lily bought her toy.”  
  
“Toy,” Remus muttered, unable to stifle an anxious giggle. Sirius didn’t find if amusing. Remus hadn’t either, but he was at a loss how to respond to anything that happened between them these days.  
  
“Drink it, Remus. Then I’ll drink it. Then ...” Sirius words trailed off, as obviously he hadn’t thought much farther than that. Remus couldn’t help but remind himself how that had been the problem the first time around, with Lily. Still ...  
  
He took a deep breath and swallowed the potion down in one, large gulp, keeping his mouth shut tight against the urge to vomit.  
  
Sirius nodded approvingly, and then swallowed his own dose.  
  
Remus hadn’t known what to expect, but he felt nothing past the preliminary nausea and lightheadedness. Nothing beyond that. Until he shifted on his feet, and felt a looseness in his trousers that hadn’t been there before.  
  
His eyes must have betrayed his shock, because Sirius gave a look that clearly said, “What?” and Remus responded by placing a shaky hand on his groin and squeezing denim and air.  
  
Sirius’ eyes widened and he mimicked Remus’ actions and then they were both standing in their bedroom, staring at each other and grabbing at crotches that, while technically were still there -- weren’t.  
  
Remus’ next breath hitched as panic started to set in, and finally _(finally)_ he saw concern and tenderness in Sirius’ eyes.  
  
Sirius walked over and cupped Remus’ face in his hands and kissed him firmly.  
  
“Moony,” Sirius breathed against the skin on his cheek, making Remus want nothing more than to forget this insanity, let the potion wear off and forget it, forget it all -- forget Lily, forget James, just let it be _them_ , Padfoot and Moony, Sirius and Remus ...  
  
But as if sensing Remus’ hesitation, Sirius pulled back, resolve clearly showing in his eyes, and said, “We’re doing this Remus. We have to. I have to be sure ...”  
  
“Of what, Sirius? What do you have to be sure of?”  
  
But Sirius didn’t answer, just kissed him fiercely, threading his fingers through Remus’ short hair, pressing his body as close as possible.  
  
Perhaps that’s when Sirius started to panic, just a bit, as he realized that there was less of them to press against each other.  
  
He pulled back from Remus, but did not let him go, merely started walking them both toward the bed.  
  
“It’s only temporary, like polyjuice. We don’t have that much time.”  
  
Something about those words -- _we don’t have that much time_ \-- hit Remus hard in the stomach, and a desperation that had been growing all these months surfaced violently, making him bold and reckless.  
  
“Well then, we’d better make the most of what we’ve got,” he said, reaching around and squeezing Sirius’ arse hard with both hands.  
  
“Or haven’t got, as the case may be,” Sirius replied, apparently finding Remus’ bravado inspiring, as he pushed him backwards onto the bed and reached down to unbutton Remus’ jeans.  
  
They made quick work of their clothes, and soon they were both naked on the bed, with nothing to do -- yet -- but stare at one another.  
  
It was the oddest thing, Remus thought, staring down between Sirius’ legs. The hair was still black and thick and curly, but it was shorter and less wild. Of course, the fact that there was no cock cushioned among the curls was the oddest thing of all.  
  
Remus wanted to reach out and touch Sirius, find out if it felt as strange as it looked, but he was scared. So he reached a hand down between his own legs, and though he’d known he would find no cock there either, it was still a shock when instead of his own sex he found something alien -- barren, almost. He allowed his fingers to delve between the curls. He hadn’t looked yet, his eyes were still transfixed on Sirius, and he had no idea what Sirius was looking at.  
  
But when his fingers parted the folds and found silky, slick skin he took in a noisy breath at the sensation -- not unpleasant -- and then Sirius moaned.  
  
Remus looked up and met his eyes, and then he knew for sure that yes, they were going to do this, and no, it was not a good idea, but he didn’t care anymore, because Sirius hadn’t looked at him with this much want, this much greed since before Lily, and Remus wanted so much to once again be the focus of Sirius’ unruled desires.  
  
Sirius collapsed on top of him and began kissing his throat, licking and tickling with his tongue, all the sensitive spots leading to his ear, which Sirius then nibbled.  
  
Remus kept waiting for the sensation of cock on cock, the hard proof of how they made each other feel, but no matter how much he thrust up against Sirius it never came. So, Remus gathered his courage and slipped a hand between them and slid his fingers between Sirius’ legs.  
  
He found the same slick skin he’d found on himself, the same folds that parted with ease, wet and slippery, and though he’d never actually done it before, his fingers sought out the entrance he knew was there and he slid one in.  
  
It wasn’t the same feeling he usually reveled in when sliding his fingers inside of Sirius. This wasn’t as constricting, and so much wetter, even though they always used lube. And, of course, he had no idea what to do with his fingers here, inside this ... his ... vagina? Cunt? What to call something that really didn’t exist ...  
  
But Remus’ thoughts were cut off abruptly as while Remus didn’t know what to do with his fingers, Sirius apparently did. He began fucking himself on Remus’ finger, shifting his body as though searching for the perfect angle. That wasn’t so unfamiliar.  
  
Remus then tried slipping another finger inside, and found it so easy that he immediately inserted a third. Now it was getting tighter, but also more exciting, as Sirius was moaning louder and words began pouring out of his mouth like the wetness pouring out onto Remus’ fingers.  
  
“Fuck, Remus, God! So good. Faster. Please. Something ... need more.”  
  
Remus wasn’t sure he could easily fit another finger inside, and wasn’t sure if that was what Sirius wanted, but he understood the need for _something_ because he could now feel the demanding throb between his legs. His own cunt felt empty, yet swollen, which made no sense whatsoever, but it definitely needed attention and soon. But what to do?  
  
Remus removed his hand and Sirius whined -- and _oh God!_ that sound never failed to bring Remus closer to the edge of orgasm without actually falling over than it had any damned right to -- until Remus flipped him onto his back and straddled him, instinctually rubbing on him again, and this time there was pleasure to be gained from that action, as the angle allowed closer contact.  
  
But still, it wasn’t enough.  
  
Remus moved down Sirius’ body, kissing his throat, his collarbone, teasing his nipples with teeth and tongue. When he reached his belly, he dipped his tongue inside, fucking it harshly, as he again slipped his fingers inside Sirius’ cunt. Sirius bucked up against his hand, breathe ragged.  
  
“Remus,” he managed with apparent difficulty, “use your mouth. Go down on me, Remus. That’s what I need.”  
  
Remus obeyed, only wondering for an instant how Sirius knew that’s what he needed. As far as he knew, Sirius had never actually been with a girl. Neither of them had.  
  
But all questions flew from his mind when the scent of Sirius invaded his nostrils. It was not totally unlike his usual scent, only more pungent and somehow thicker. He parted the curly hair with his fingers and stared.  
  
The folds were strange, thick in places and thin in others. How would he navigate? This may be Sirius, but it was still uncharted territory and he had no idea where to begin. So he just did.  
  
He took one long swipe with his tongue, bottom to top, and when he reached the top Sirius bucked up again and cried out.  
  
“Yes! There!”  
  
Remus concentrated his efforts in the area that Sirius seemed so enamored of, and started making slow lazy circles over the smooth skin, lapping between the folds. But Sirius reached down and took hold of Remus’ head, guiding it where he wanted it to go.  
  
“There, Remus. It’s small, it’s like a little nub. It feel good there.”  
  
Biology lessons flooded Remus’ mind. The clitoris, of course. He sought it out, and knew he’d found it when Sirius shouted, “Fuck! Don’t stop, Remus. There, faster, please.”  
  
Remus flicked at the nub as fast as he could, over and over, and as Sirius’ cries grew louder and his hips continued bucking into his face, Remus own need grew until he reached one of his own hands down between his legs to find that same spot.  
  
It took a moment, but find it he did. And when then he moaned into Sirius’ cunt and the vibrations must have been more than Sirius could take.  
  
Remus kept up the furious pace of his tongue, matching it with his own hand and he felt his own orgasm building as Sirius began coming down from his. As Sirius slowed his hips, Remus slowed his tongue, but kept his hand moving fast and he only wished that there was more he could do, more he could feel, because this was incredible and he never knew that girls could feel this much pleasure but it made sense didn’t it? or why would they put up with ignorant arseholes like --  
  
Suddenly Sirius reached under Remus’ arms and pulled him up into a brutal kiss, flipping them over in the process until now Sirius was on top.  
  
Sirius continued kissing him, slowing down and groaning slightly, pushing into him ... wait, what the ...  
  
Sirius laughed against his lips. “That’s right, Moony. Once you come, the potion is fixed to wear off.”  
  
Obviously, as Remus could now feel Sirius’ cock sliding slowly and shallowly in and out. Remus was used to being fucked by Sirius, but not in this manner, and he felt embarrassed and insecure and his body simply froze up.  
  
“Relax, Remus, and it’ll feel good. This is how Lily feels when James fucks her, you know. When he pounds into her with his cock, he feels her wetness, her tightness pulling at him. And Lily, well, she feels filled up. Taken. Possessed. It’s a liberating feeling, don’t you think, Moony, to be possessed, to give control to someone else? To let them own your heart, your body, until you don’t know who is who and your thoughts are all tangled up with his and you can’t imagine it being any other way.”  
  
Sirius began moving faster, slamming into Remus harder, and Remus was torn between wanting it and hating it, because Sirius had started talking about James and Lily and what did they have to do with them?  
  
And of course Remus understood what if felt like to belong to someone. He had felt that way about Sirius since before they were officially together, and the feeling had only gotten stronger since. Sometimes it was frightening, belonging to someone, but it usually just made him feel safe and protected. But this ... this didn’t feel safe, but dangerous. The look in Sirius’ eyes ...  
  
But the feel of Sirius’ cock ... it was familiar yet different, but Remus could feel himself getting pulled closer to the edge of orgasm with every hard thrust, with the searing heat of Sirius’ eyes, despite the danger. But he needed more.  
  
Remus reached down between their bodies and began stimulating his clitoris. The friction felt incredible, and he knew it wouldn’t be long.  
  
“Yes, Remus. Get yourself off, that’s it. That’s how Lily feels, probably even what she does. Yes, yes, yes, do it, Moony. Now you can say her name, Moony. Now you can say her name.”  
  
Remus came, and it was nothing like his usual orgasms, which seemed to push him out of his own body. This pulled him inward, seemed to pull Sirius farther inside of him as well, and it was delicious and mind-numbing and nothing he would ever have imagined.  
  
He did not, however, say Lily’s name.  
  
As he came down from his orgasm and his body felt boneless his mind began to process what Sirius had said. He shoved him off and out and scooted toward the back of the bed. He was slightly aware of the feel of his soft cock slapping against the inside of his thighs.  
  
 _Ah, back to normal then._  
  
“What’s the matter, Remus. A little too intense for you to handle?” Sirius asked with a rather unpleasant smirk, as he sat back on his haunches. His cock was still hard, and Remus chastised himself for even looking. Or caring.  
  
“I was thinking the opposite actually,” Remus replied, wondering what in the hell had made Sirius think that Remus would want to say Lily’s name while they were fucking. But then he remembered ...  
  
“Sirius, I don’t want Lily. I want you. “  
  
Sirius looked away then, and Remus crawled forward until their faces were inches apart.  
  
“Sirius, look at me,” he placed a hand under Sirius’ chin, and gently turned his face so they could see each other properly.  
  
“That time with Lily. We shouldn’t have ... and I know I said her name, but ... I don’t want her. I didn’t want her then, but in the moment ... it was her inside of me, and it just came out. It didn’t and doesn’t mean that I fancy her over you. It was a fucked up situation and it was just that ... it was just fucked up. That’s all. Sirius. This is me and you, okay? Me and you.”  
  
Sirius looked young and innocent and hopeful, and Remus hoped that meant that his words, if not their actions, had sunk in and would help to fix this mess they’d made for themselves.  
  
Then Sirius smiled and his eyes gleamed. He lunged, and pushed Remus back until he was lying flat on his back with Sirius on top, and they were cock against cock.  
  
 _This is how it’s supposed to be_ , Remus thought. _This is what it should feel like_.  
  
He bucked up against Sirius, urging him to move his still hard cock, pleading with him to rub against him until he found his own release.  
  
“Come on, Sirius, what are you waiting for,” Remus teased, as Sirius finally began to roll his hips, but slowly, as if savoring the feel and the moment.  
  
“Only you, Moony, only you,” he answered, picking up the pace and kissing Remus, pushing his tongue inside so they could taste each other properly.  
  
Remus could feel his cock twitch in response to the wonderful feel of Sirius on top of him, but he didn’t care about getting off again. This was about Sirius, and he knew that somehow this whole experience had been about Sirius, even if he didn’t understand completely.  
  
If they could just get back to normal ...  
  
“Yes, Moony, oh God, fucking’ yes!”  
  
And Remus felt the warm come against his own cock and belly, and he reveled in it, reveled in Sirius.  
  
 _Yours, Sirius, I’m yours, only yours, you have to know that_ , he thought.  
  
Sirius leaned his forehead against Remus’, and his breathing began to slow.  
  
“I love you, Remus. I do.” His voice sounded sleepy, but there was still an edge to it.  
  
“I love you too,” Remus responded, pulling Sirius down next to him, holding him close, not wanting even a breadth of space that could allow anyone or anything to come between them.  
  
He refused to even consider the possibility that perhaps someone or something already had.  
  
 **  
**END  


**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue how to tag exactly what's going on in this story. Basically, Sirius and Remus drink a potion that temporarily changes their male genitalia to female genitalia. Then sex!


End file.
